He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
