Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
