fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
