you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
