roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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