You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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