My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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