Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
