It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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