i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize