I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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