Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
