Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
