I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
