I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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