To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
