You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
