shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
