Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
