We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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