Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
