I got chris browned last night
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
