so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
