Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
