who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
