I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
