please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
