We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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