Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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