i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
