Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
