just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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