Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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