one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All the doctor said was why
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
