I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
