At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
