We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you made out with another girl for some wings
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
