Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
