just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
