you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
