well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize