no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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