How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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