My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
