I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
