I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
