they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
