meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
