Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
