Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
