SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's never too late to be topless.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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