how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
