Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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