Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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