my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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