I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
