bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
