Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
