My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize