I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
