Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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