I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
